Sunday, May 31, 2009

Le Voyage

On this sleepy Sunday evening, I will let my flowers die. 151 poems. 12 months. I am pleased that I have finished this project in my anticipated time. I think to how I was and who I was back all that time ago and I am happy with how things have turned out. I never got what I thought I wanted but now I realize more than ever that what I wanted was something completely different. Hope springs eternal. This year I saw love and death and tragedy and beauty and every shade of human thought and emotion. I think to the future, to the summer, to my sweet, beautiful selfless love and how this has ultimately changed for the better.

When I started all the poems reminded me of the first and all the ennui and the hatred. Now Baudelaire sings about sailing, about a voyage, about new things. God help and protect me, this will all be everything I hoped and prayed for.

The Voyage

To Maxime du Camp

I.
To the child, in love with maps and prints,
The universe is equal to his vast appetite.
Ah! How the world is great in the lamplight!
How the world is small in the eyes of memory!

We leave one morning, mind full of fire,
Heart thick with resentment and bitter desires,
And we go, according to the rhythm of the sword,
Rocking our infinity on the finite of the seas:

Some, joyous at fleeing a despicable country;
Others, the horror of their birthplaces, and a few,
Astrologers drowned in the eyes of a woman,
Tyrannical Circe with dangerous perfumes.

In order to not be changed into beasts, they get drunk
From space and light and blazing skies;
The ice that bites them, the suns that bronze them,
Slowly erase the mark of the kisses.

But the true voyagers are only those who go
In order to leave; hearts light, similar to balloons,
They never move away from their fatality,
And, without knowing why, always say: Let’s go!

Those for whom the desires have the form of clouds,
And who dream, like a conscript of a cannon,
Of great pleasures, changeable, unknown,
And whose name the human spirit has never known!

II.
We imitate, horror! The top and the ball
In their waltz and their leaps; even in our sleep
Curiosity torments us and rolls us
Like a cruel Angel who flogs suns.

Unusual fortune where the goal moves around,
And, being nowhere, is maybe everywhere!
Where Man, whose hope is never weary,
Always runs like a fool to find rest!

Our soul is a three-mast seeking his Icaria;
A voice rings out over the bridge: “Open your eyes!”
A voice at the top, ardent and foolish, cries:
“Love…glory…happiness!” Hell! It is a reef!

Ever islet spotted by the man on watch
Is an Eldorado promised by Destiny;
Imagination who prepares her orgy
Only finds a reef in the light of morning.

Oh the poor lovers of fanciful lands!
Must he be put into irons, thrown into the sea,
This drunken sailor, inventor of Americas
Whose mirage makes the abyss more bitter?

Thus the old vagabond, trampled in the mud,
Dreams, nose in the air, of brilliant paradises;
His enchanted eye discovers a Capua
Everywhere the candle illuminates a sty.

III.
Amazing voyagers! What noble stories
We read in your eyes deep like the seas!
Show us the cases of your rich memories,
These marvelous jewels, made from stars and either.

We want to travel without vapor and veil!
Make, in order to brighten the boredom of our prisons,
Pass over our spirits, stretched like a cloth,
Your memories with their framed horizons.

Tell, what have you seen?

IV.
“We have seen stars
And streams, we have also seen sands;
And, despite many collisions and unexpected disasters,
We were often bored, like we are here.

The glory of the sun on the purple sea,
The glory of cities in the setting sun,
They lit in our eyes an anxious ardor
To plunge into a sky of attractive shimmers.

The richest cities, the greatest landscapes,
Never contained the mysterious allure
Of skies that chance makes with the clouds.
And desire always makes us worried!

—Pleasure adds to the strength of desire,
Desire, old tree that pleasure serves to fertilize,
While increasing and hardening your bark,
Your branches want to see the sun more closely!

Will you always grow, great tree more vivacious
Than the cypress? —Yet we have, with care,
Picked some sketches for your greedy album
Brothers who find beautiful all that comes from afar!

We have paid tribute to idols with trunks;
Thrones studded with luminous gems;
Of finely wrought palaces whose magical pomp
Would make a ruinous dream for your bankers;

Of costumes that are intoxication for the eyes;
Of women whose teeth and nails are stained,
And of skillful jugglers that the serpent caresses.”

V.
And then, and then what?

VI.
“ Oh childish minds!
Not to forget the essential things,
We have seen everywhere, and without having looked for it,
From the top to the bottom of the fatal ladder,
The tedious spectacle of immortal sin:

Woman, vile slave, proud and stupid,
Adoring herself without laughter and loving herself without disgust;
Man, greedy tyrant, bawdy, hard and covetous,
Slave of slave and stream in the sewer;

The hangman who enjoys, the martyr who sobs;
The festival that seasons and perfumes the blood;
The poison of power irritating the despot,
And the people in love with the deafening whip;

Several religions similar to ours,
All climbing to the sky; the sanctity,
Like a delicate sprawled out on a feather bed,
Finds pleasure in the nails and the horsehair;

Long-winded Humanity, drunk on his genius,
And, now as mad as she was in the past,
Crying to God, in her furious agony:
“Oh my selfsame, my master, I curse you!”

And the less silly, daring lovers of Dementia,
Fleeing from the great troop pent up by Destiny,
And finding refuge in the immense opium!
—Such is the eternal report of the whole world.”

VII.
Bitter to know, that which one gains from a voyage!
The world, small and monotonous, today,
Yesterday, tomorrow, always, makes us see our image:
An oasis of horror in a desert of ennui!

Must he leave? Remain? If you can stay, stay;
Leave, if you must. One runs, and the other hides
To deceive the watchful and deadly enemy,
Time! There are, alas! Runners without rest,

Like the wandering Jew and the apostles,
For whom nothing suffices, neither wagon nor vessel,
In order to flee this infamous repetition; there are others
Who know how to kill him without leaving their cradles.

When finally he puts his foot on our spine,
We can hope and cry: Forward!
Just as in the past we left for China,
Eyes fixed on the open sea and hair in the wind,

We will embark on the sea of Darkness
With the joyful heart of a young passenger.
Listen to these charming and somber voices,
That sing: “Come here you who wish to eat

The perfumed Lotus! It is here that one harvests
The miraculous fruits for which your heart has hungered;
Come and get drunk on the strange sweetness
Of this never-ending afternoon!”

In the familiar notes we discern the specter;
Our Pylades stretch their arms across the sea towards us.
“In order to cool your heart swim towards your Electra!”
Says she whose knees we once kissed.

VIII.
Oh Death, old captain, it is time! Raise the anchor!
This land bores us, oh Death! Let us sail away!
If the sky and the sea are black like ink,
Our hearts that you know are full of sunbeams!

Pour out your poison that it may fortify us!
We wish, so much this fire burns our brains,
To plunge into the bottom of the abyss, Heaven or Hell, what importance?
Into the depths of the Unknown to find the new!

Le Voyage

À Maxime du Camp

I.
Pour l'enfant, amoureux de cartes et d'estampes,
L'univers est égal à son vaste appétit.
Ah! que le monde est grand à la clarté des lampes!
Aux yeux du souvenir que le monde est petit!

Un matin nous partons, le cerveau plein de flamme,
Le coeur gros de rancune et de désirs amers,
Et nous allons, suivant le rythme de la lame,
Berçant notre infini sur le fini des mers:

Les uns, joyeux de fuir une patrie infâme;
D'autres, l'horreur de leurs berceaux, et quelques-uns,
Astrologues noyés dans les yeux d'une femme,
La Circé tyrannique aux dangereux parfums.

Pour n'être pas changés en bêtes, ils s'enivrent
D'espace et de lumière et de cieux embrasés;
La glace qui les mord, les soleils qui les cuivrent,
Effacent lentement la marque des baisers.

Mais les vrais voyageurs sont ceux-là seuls qui partent
Pour partir; coeurs légers, semblables aux ballons,
De leur fatalité jamais ils ne s'écartent,
Et, sans savoir pourquoi, disent toujours: Allons!

Ceux-là dont les désirs ont la forme des nues,
Et qui rêvent, ainsi qu'un conscrit le canon,
De vastes voluptés, changeantes, inconnues,
Et dont l'esprit humain n'a jamais su le nom!

II.
Nous imitons, horreur! la toupie et la boule
Dans leur valse et leurs bonds; même dans nos sommeils
La Curiosité nous tourmente et nous roule
Comme un Ange cruel qui fouette des soleils.

Singulière fortune où le but se déplace,
Et, n'étant nulle part, peut être n'importe où!
Où l'Homme, dont jamais l'espérance n'est lasse,
Pour trouver le repos court toujours comme un fou!

Notre âme est un trois-mâts cherchant son Icarie;
Une voix retentit sur le pont: «Ouvre l'oeil!»
Une voix de la hune, ardente et folle, crie:
«Amour... gloire... bonheur!» Enfer! c'est un écueil!

Chaque îlot signalé par l'homme de vigie
Est un Eldorado promis par le Destin;
L'Imagination qui dresse son orgie
Ne trouve qu'un récif aux clartés du matin.

Ô le pauvre amoureux des pays chimériques!
Faut-il le mettre aux fers, le jeter à la mer,
Ce matelot ivrogne, inventeur d'Amériques
Dont le mirage rend le gouffre plus amer?

Tel le vieux vagabond, piétinant dans la boue,
Rêve, le nez en l'air, de brillants paradis;
Son oeil ensorcelé découvre une Capoue
Partout où la chandelle illumine un taudis.

III.
Etonnants voyageurs! quelles nobles histoires
Nous lisons dans vos yeux profonds comme les mers!
Montrez-nous les écrins de vos riches mémoires,
Ces bijoux merveilleux, faits d'astres et d'éthers.

Nous voulons voyager sans vapeur et sans voile!
Faites, pour égayer l'ennui de nos prisons,
Passer sur nos esprits, tendus comme une toile,
Vos souvenirs avec leurs cadres d'horizons.

Dites, qu'avez-vous vu?

IV.
«Nous avons vu des astres
Et des flots, nous avons vu des sables aussi;
Et, malgré bien des chocs et d'imprévus désastres,
Nous nous sommes souvent ennuyés, comme ici.

La gloire du soleil sur la mer violette,
La gloire des cités dans le soleil couchant,
Allumaient dans nos coeurs une ardeur inquiète
De plonger dans un ciel au reflet alléchant.

Les plus riches cités, les plus grands paysages,
Jamais ne contenaient l'attrait mystérieux
De ceux que le hasard fait avec les nuages.
Et toujours le désir nous rendait soucieux!

— La jouissance ajoute au désir de la force.
Désir, vieil arbre à qui le plaisir sert d'engrais,
Cependant que grossit et durcit ton écorce,
Tes branches veulent voir le soleil de plus près!

Grandiras-tu toujours, grand arbre plus vivace
Que le cyprès? — Pourtant nous avons, avec soin,
Cueilli quelques croquis pour votre album vorace
Frères qui trouvez beau tout ce qui vient de loin!

Nous avons salué des idoles à trompe;
Des trônes constellés de joyaux lumineux;
Des palais ouvragés dont la féerique pompe
Serait pour vos banquiers un rêve ruineux;

Des costumes qui sont pour les yeux une ivresse;
Des femmes dont les dents et les ongles sont teints,
Et des jongleurs savants que le serpent caresse.»

V.
Et puis, et puis encore?

VI.
«Ô cerveaux enfantins!

Pour ne pas oublier la chose capitale,
Nous avons vu partout, et sans l'avoir cherché,
Du haut jusques en bas de l'échelle fatale,
Le spectacle ennuyeux de l'immortel péché:

La femme, esclave vile, orgueilleuse et stupide,
Sans rire s'adorant et s'aimant sans dégoût;
L'homme, tyran goulu, paillard, dur et cupide,
Esclave de l'esclave et ruisseau dans l'égout;

Le bourreau qui jouit, le martyr qui sanglote;
La fête qu'assaisonne et parfume le sang;
Le poison du pouvoir énervant le despote,
Et le peuple amoureux du fouet abrutissant;

Plusieurs religions semblables à la nôtre,
Toutes escaladant le ciel; la Sainteté,
Comme en un lit de plume un délicat se vautre,
Dans les clous et le crin cherchant la volupté;

L'Humanité bavarde, ivre de son génie,
Et, folle maintenant comme elle était jadis,
Criant à Dieu, dans sa furibonde agonie:
»Ô mon semblable, mon maître, je te maudis!«

Et les moins sots, hardis amants de la Démence,
Fuyant le grand troupeau parqué par le Destin,
Et se réfugiant dans l'opium immense!
— Tel est du globe entier l'éternel bulletin.»

VII.
Amer savoir, celui qu'on tire du voyage!
Le monde, monotone et petit, aujourd'hui,
Hier, demain, toujours, nous fait voir notre image:
Une oasis d'horreur dans un désert d'ennui!

Faut-il partir? rester? Si tu peux rester, reste;
Pars, s'il le faut. L'un court, et l'autre se tapit
Pour tromper l'ennemi vigilant et funeste,
Le Temps! Il est, hélas! des coureurs sans répit,

Comme le Juif errant et comme les apôtres,
À qui rien ne suffit, ni wagon ni vaisseau,
Pour fuir ce rétiaire infâme; il en est d'autres
Qui savent le tuer sans quitter leur berceau.

Lorsque enfin il mettra le pied sur notre échine,
Nous pourrons espérer et crier: En avant!
De même qu'autrefois nous partions pour la Chine,
Les yeux fixés au large et les cheveux au vent,

Nous nous embarquerons sur la mer des Ténèbres
Avec le coeur joyeux d'un jeune passager.
Entendez-vous ces voix charmantes et funèbres,
Qui chantent: «Par ici vous qui voulez manger

Le Lotus parfumé! c'est ici qu'on vendange
Les fruits miraculeux dont votre coeur a faim;
Venez vous enivrer de la douceur étrange
De cette après-midi qui n'a jamais de fin!»

À l'accent familier nous devinons le spectre;
Nos Pylades l&agrave-bas tendent leurs bras vers nous.
«Pour rafraîchir ton coeur nage vers ton Electre!»
Dit celle dont jadis nous baisions les genoux.

VIII.
Ô Mort, vieux capitaine, il est temps! levons l'ancre!
Ce pays nous ennuie, ô Mort! Appareillons!
Si le ciel et la mer sont noirs comme de l'encre,
Nos coeurs que tu connais sont remplis de rayons!

Verse-nous ton poison pour qu'il nous réconforte!
Nous voulons, tant ce feu nous brûle le cerveau,
Plonger au fond du gouffre, Enfer ou Ciel, qu'importe?
Au fond de l'Inconnu pour trouver du nouveau!
---
And in the future I may rewrite, rethink, interject and illustrate. But for now I will let this stand alone and I will go somewhere and think. This is no kind of end. One year ago the world was shaky and uncertain and now it is even more so. But I am happy. Always, I am happy.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Le Rêve d'un Curieux

Not much to say here and now. I race against the clock while he tosses and turns in my little bed. Oh.

The Dream of a Curious Man

To Félix Nadar

Do you know, like I do, the savory sorrow
And do you make them say of you: “Oh! Peculiar man!”
—I went to die. It was in my amorous soul
Desire mixed with horror, a specific evil;

Anguish and vivid hope, without factious humor.
The fatal hourglass continued to empty more,
My torture was more bitter and delicious.
All my heart tore itself from the familiar world.

It was like the child eager for the show,
Hating the curtain like one hates an obstacle…
Finally the cold truth revealed itself,

I was dead without surprise, and the terrible dawn
Enveloped me. —What? Is that it?
The cloth was lifted and I was still waiting.

Le Rêve d'un Curieux

À Félix Nadar

Connais-tu, comme moi, la douleur savoureuse
Et de toi fais-tu dire: «Oh! l'homme singulier!»
— J'allais mourir. C'était dans mon âme amoureuse
Désir mêlé d'horreur, un mal particulier;

Angoisse et vif espoir, sans humeur factieuse.
Plus allait se vidant le fatal sablier,
Plus ma torture était âpre et délicieuse;
Tout mon coeur s'arrachait au monde familier.

J'étais comme l'enfant avide du spectacle,
Haïssant le rideau comme on hait un obstacle...
Enfin la vérité froide se révéla:

J'étais mort sans surprise, et la terrible aurore
M'enveloppait. — Eh quoi! n'est-ce donc que cela?
La toile était levée et j'attendais encore.
----
I am taking it over one more time.

Friday, May 22, 2009

La Fin de la Journée

It's cold, cold, cold here even though the sun seems to shine. I am tired of this place and I want to move on. My heart has stopped flailing and I am ready to spend the next few weeks doing nothing but sitting around and hoping to be amused. The joy he promised me has not arrived quite yet, but neither has the summer, really.

Three poems left. Weird.

The End of the Day
Under a pale light
Runs, dances and bends without reason
Life, imprudent and shrill.
Also, as soon as on the horizon

The voluptuous night rises,
Soothing all, even hunger,
Erasing all, even disgrace,
The Poet says to himself: “Finally!

My spirit, like my vertebra,
Passionately invokes rest;
Heart full of gloomy dreams,

I go lie down on my back
And roll myself in your curtains,
Oh refreshing darkness!”

La Fin de la Journée
Sous une lumière blafarde
Court, danse et se tord sans raison
La Vie, impudente et criarde.
Aussi, sitôt qu'à l'horizon

La nuit voluptueuse monte,
Apaisant tout, même la faim,
Effaçant tout, même la honte,
Le Poète se dit: «Enfin!

Mon esprit, comme mes vertèbres,
Invoque ardemment le repos;
Le coeur plein de songes funèbres,

Je vais me coucher sur le dos
Et me rouler dans vos rideaux,
Ô rafraîchissantes ténèbres!»
---
Not gonna lie, the soul left this project weeks or months ago but I don't care. It's morning in my mind and pretty much everywhere else for that matter.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

La Mort des artistes

The end is nigh, maybe 3 or 4 more posts and then I am off. Where? Nowhere, not for awhile. Lazy summer has returned and I find myself hopelessly unwilling to do any kind of productive labor. I am a bit unhappy with his imminent ten-day departure but I suppose I will have to get over that if I am to somehow live without him for months on end. Three months and counting and we have never slept apart, no matter how many late drunken nights or all-day sailing voyages. But I have not grown familiar or complacent; he continues to surprise me with his kindness and infinite mercy, his genuine love of my soul, and his animal passion. Oh, Apollo, why give me this great gift only to have it ripped away? I start and stammer about nothing but him, him, him but all the footwork is done and I have little to occupy myself save for some packing, paperwork and bickering.

Sometimes I think to the one who came at the beginning of all this, who earned my dedication, and who left me unwilling, cynical and miserable. He is happy, it seems and for once I don't grudge him any of that. What would have been the end of all this? Nothing. If the Other One is willing to go through such pains for him then by all means they should love and multiply. A year ago I said I would do anything for him but now I know better. The one I have is perfect beyond measure and I thank everyone and everything for this blessing. From holding my hand in the hospital to buying little souvenirs when he is away at sea, his love comes through and I cherish it above all other things.

The Death of the Artists
How many times must I shake my bells
And kiss your low brow, dreary caricature?
In order to hit the target, of mystical nature,
How many javelins, oh my quiver, must you lose?

We will wear out our soul in subtle intrigues,
And we will demolish many a heavy frame,
Before contemplating the great Creature
Whose infernal desire fills us with sobs!

There are those who have never known their Idol,
And these sculptors damned and marked with an affront,
Who go hammering breast and brow,

Have only one hope, strange and somber Capitol!
It is that Death, gliding like a new sun,
Will make the flowers of their mind open!

La Mort des artistes
Combien faut-il de fois secouer mes grelots
Et baiser ton front bas, morne caricature?
Pour piquer dans le but, de mystique nature,
Combien, ô mon carquois, perdre de javelots?

Nous userons notre âme en de subtils complots,
Et nous démolirons mainte lourde armature,
Avant de contempler la grande Créature
Dont l'infernal désir nous remplit de sanglots!

Il en est qui jamais n'ont connu leur Idole,
Et ces sculpteurs damnés et marqués d'un affront,
Qui vont se martelant la poitrine et le front,

N'ont qu'un espoir, étrange et sombre Capitole!
C'est que la Mort, planant comme un soleil nouveau,
Fera s'épanouir les fleurs de leur cerveau!
---
In the face of uncertainty I pray for my family. I can only hope that their lifelong devotion to the Almighty provides them with solace in this time of need.

My unhealthy flowers are wilting, and they will be dead within days.

Monday, May 18, 2009

La Mort des pauvres

I am closing in on the last few days and I am certain that this will all be done in time. Yesterday life came full circle when the next generation were handed their diplomas and sent off into the world. The most important ones are still around though, as am I, sick though I am. Saline solution and sleepless nights. He will see me through. The time draws near and my very last opportunity for complete closure has flown the coop. I don't mind. I want all the new beginnings.

Praise Apollo I am sleepy, for the alternative is so much worse.

The Death of the Poor
It is Death that consoles, alas! And that makes us live;
It is the purpose of life, and it is the only hope
That, like an elixir, raises us and intoxicates us,
And gives us the heart to walk until evening;

Through the storm, and the snow, and the ice,
It is the vibrant light on our black horizon
It is the famous inn noted in the book,
Where one can eat, and sleep, and sit down;

It is an Angel who holds in his magnetic fingers
Sleep and the gift of ecstatic dreams,
And who remakes the bed of the poor and the naked people;

It is the glory of Gods, it is the mystical granary,
It is the purse of the poor and her old fatherland,
It is the portico open over the unknown Skies!

La Mort des pauvres
C'est la Mort qui console, hélas! et qui fait vivre;
C'est le but de la vie, et c'est le seul espoir
Qui, comme un élixir, nous monte et nous enivre,
Et nous donne le coeur de marcher jusqu'au soir;

À travers la tempête, et la neige, et le givre,
C'est la clarté vibrante à notre horizon noir
C'est l'auberge fameuse inscrite sur le livre,
Où l'on pourra manger, et dormir, et s'asseoir;

C'est un Ange qui tient dans ses doigts magnétiques
Le sommeil et le don des rêves extatiques,
Et qui refait le lit des gens pauvres et nus;

C'est la gloire des Dieux, c'est le grenier mystique,
C'est la bourse du pauvre et sa patrie antique,
C'est le portique ouvert sur les Cieux inconnus!
---
Sleep sweet, fondly. There is nothing I want more in this world than to lay down and to feel no pain.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

La Mort des Amants

Pretty sunshine days and Annapolitan sunsets. The world is warmer and I remain convinced that I have found what I have been looking for. My mother says she is sad and I feel bad in telling her that I am the happiest I have ever been. There are some refusals but I have enough to keep me going. I love the world and I love the hope that comes with being content.

Baudelaire greets death with his lovers.

The Death of the Lovers
We will have beds full of light scents,
Couches as deep as tombs,
And strange flowers on the shelves,
Blooming for us under skies more beautiful.

Using their last warmth to outdo each other,
Our two hearts will be two great flames,
That will reflect their double lights
In our two spirits, these twin mirrors.

An evening made of mystical rose and blue,
We will exchange a single lightning flash,
Like a long sob, completely full of farewells.

And later an Angel, opening the doors,
Will come to renew, faithful and joyous,
The tarnished mirrors and dead flames.

La Mort des Amants
Nous aurons des lits pleins d'odeurs légères,
Des divans profonds comme des tombeaux,
Et d'étranges fleurs sur des étagères,
Ecloses pour nous sous des cieux plus beaux.

Usant à l'envi leurs chaleurs dernières,
Nos deux coeurs seront deux vastes flambeaux,
Qui réfléchiront leurs doubles lumières
Dans nos deux esprits, ces miroirs jumeaux.

Un soir fait de rose et de bleu mystique,
Nous échangerons un éclair unique,
Comme un long sanglot, tout chargé d'adieux;

Et plus tard un Ange, entr'ouvrant les portes,
Viendra ranimer, fidèle et joyeux,
Les miroirs ternis et les flammes mortes.
---
Summer loving, loathing, longing. Here it comes!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Les Litanies de Satan

Spent these days in a funk: vomiting, panicking, and finding my true and everlasting peace. Family brunches and giggles, ships hulls dragging along shallow bays. Metaphors, la di da. I love this cozy little world and I want it for my own. All I can think about it what Might Happen. No delusions of grandeur I hope.

The Litanies of Satan
Oh you, the wisest and most beautiful of the Angels,
God betrayed by fate and deprived of praises,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

Oh Prince in exile, whom one has wronged
And who, vanquished, always comes back stronger,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who knows all, great king of underground things,
Familiar healer of human anguish,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who, even to the lepers, to the damned pariahs,
Teaches the taste of Paradise through love,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

Oh you who from Death, your strong and aged lover,
Engendered Hope, —a charming fool!

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who gives to the outcast this calm and raised gaze
That condemns all the people around the gallows.

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who knows in which corners of envious lands
The jealous God hides the precious rocks,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You whose clear eye knows the deep arsenals
Where the multitude of metals sleep enshrouded,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You whose large hand hides the chasms
From the sleepwalker roaming the edges of buildings,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who, to console the frail, suffering man,
Taught us to mix the saltpepper and sulfur,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who puts your mark, oh subtle helper,
On the brow of vile, merciless Croesus,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

You who placed in the eyes and the heart of girls
The cult of the sore and the love of rags,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

Staff of exiles, lamp of inventors,
Confessor of the hanged men and the conspirators,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

Adoptive father of these who in his black anger
God the Father has chased from the earthly paradise,

Oh Satan, take pity on my long misery!

Prayer

Glory and praise to you, Satan, in the heights
Of Heaven, where you reigned, and in the depths
Of Hell, where, vanquished, you dream in silence!
Make it that my soul one day, under the Tree of Science,
Reposes close to you, at the hour where on your brow
Its branches will spread out like a Temple!

Les Litanies de Satan
Ô toi, le plus savant et le plus beau des Anges,
Dieu trahi par le sort et privé de louanges,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Ô Prince de l'exil, à qui l'on a fait tort
Et qui, vaincu, toujours te redresses plus fort,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui sais tout, grand roi des choses souterraines,
Guérisseur familier des angoisses humaines,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui, même aux lépreux, aux parias maudits,
Enseignes par l'amour le goût du Paradis,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Ô toi qui de la Mort, ta vieille et forte amante,
Engendras l'Espérance, — une folle charmante!

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui fais au proscrit ce regard calme et haut
Qui damne tout un peuple autour d'un échafaud.

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui sais en quels coins des terres envieuses
Le Dieu jaloux cacha les pierres précieuses,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi dont l'oeil clair connaît les profonds arsenaux
Où dort enseveli le peuple des métaux,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi dont la large main cache les précipices
Au somnambule errant au bord des édifices,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui, magiquement, assouplis les vieux os
De l'ivrogne attardé foulé par les chevaux,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui, pour consoler l'homme frêle qui souffre,
Nous appris à mêler le salpêtre et le soufre,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui poses ta marque, ô complice subtil,
Sur le front du Crésus impitoyable et vil,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Toi qui mets dans les yeux et dans le coeur des filles
Le culte de la plaie et l'amour des guenilles,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Bâton des exilés, lampe des inventeurs,
Confesseur des pendus et des conspirateurs,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Père adoptif de ceux qu'en sa noire colère
Du paradis terrestre a chassés Dieu le Père,

Ô Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère!

Prière

Gloire et louange à toi, Satan, dans les hauteurs
Du Ciel, où tu régnas, et dans les profondeurs
De l'Enfer, où, vaincu, tu rêves en silence!
Fais que mon âme un jour, sous l'Arbre de Science,
Près de toi se repose, à l'heure où sur ton front
Comme un Temple nouveau ses rameaux s'épandront!
---
I feel so sad and sick sometimes but only here. What to do?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Abel et Caïn

The earth has made a full revolution and now things have changed. N. and I talked about how our lives have evolved since summer past, the summer full of drunken languor and hot smoke. This year it will be different they say, since I will be celebrating life instead of mourning loss. My beautiful one has the aches and pains and watching him suffer makes me sad. Soon he will be better, soon we will be together. My happiness is warm but my closet and basement need to be exorcised. There will be space, time, opportunity. I think it will all work out.

Baudelaire has focused Révolte on Biblical imagery, I suppose it's obvious. The last one made me think a lot about what it was like to be young and strangled with those kinds of heavy thoughts when the mind is not mature enough to handle them. This reminded me of many discussions in Sophomore Seminar where we determined that all denials and betrayals were necessary to bring about a prophesied event. God. Maybe my attempts at profundity are better left alone.

Abel and Cain
I.
Race of Abel, sleep, drink and eat;
God smiles on you complacently.

Race of Cain, in the muck
Crawls and dies miserably.

Race of Abel, your sacrifice
Flatters the nose of the Seraphim!

Race of Cain, your torment
Will it never have an end?

Race of Abel, see your seeds
And your cattle flourish;

Race of Cain, your entrails
Howl with hunger like an old dog.

Race of Abel, warm your belly
At your patriarchal hearth;

Race of Cain, in your den
Tremble with cold, poor jackal!

Race of Abel, love and multiply!
Even your gold has children.

Race of Cain, heart that burns,
Watch out for these great appetites.

Race of Abel, you think and grow
Like the bugs in the woods!

Race of Cain, along the roads
Drag your desperate family.

II.
Ah! Race of Abel, your carcass
Will fertilize the smoking soil!

Race of Cain, your labor
Has not been completed sufficiently;

Race of Abel, here is your disgrace:
The sword is vanquished by the spear!

Race of Cain, climb to the sky,
And hurl God to earth!

Abel et Caïn
I.
Race d'Abel, dors, bois et mange;
Dieu te sourit complaisamment.

Race de Caïn, dans la fange
Rampe et meurs misérablement.

Race d'Abel, ton sacrifice
Flatte le nez du Séraphin!

Race de Caïn, ton supplice
Aura-t-il jamais une fin?

Race d'Abel, vois tes semailles
Et ton bétail venir à bien;

Race de Caïn, tes entrailles
Hurlent la faim comme un vieux chien.

Race d'Abel, chauffe ton ventre
À ton foyer patriarcal;

Race de Caïn, dans ton antre
Tremble de froid, pauvre chacal!

Race d'Abel, aime et pullule!
Ton or fait aussi des petits.

Race de Caïn, coeur qui brûle,
Prends garde à ces grands appétits.

Race d'Abel, tu croîs et broutes
Comme les punaises des bois!

Race de Caïn, sur les routes
Traîne ta famille aux abois.

II.
Ah! race d'Abel, ta charogne
Engraissera le sol fumant!

Race de Caïn, ta besogne
N'est pas faite suffisamment;

Race d'Abel, voici ta honte:
Le fer est vaincu par l'épieu!

Race de Caïn, au ciel monte,
Et sur la terre jette Dieu!
---
I want to say that I have worked long and hard and that I deserve to let it all go and do a bunch of stupid things. But none of that is true. I value my semi-mature existence. Maybe?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Le Reniement de Saint Pierre

I am tired and I don't care about anything. Right.

The Denial of Saint Peter
What is it that God does with this wave of curses
That rise every day towards his dear Seraphim?
Like a tyrant gorged with meat and wine,
He falls asleep to the sweet murmur of our hideous blasphemies.

The sobs of the martyrs and the tortured
Are without doubt an intoxicating symphony,
Since, despite the blood that their pleasure costs,
The skies have not yet had their fill!

—Ah! Jesus, remember the Garden of Olives!
In your simplicity you prayed on your knees
To he who in his sky laughs at the noise of the nails
That the vile hangman planted in your living flesh,

When you saw spitting on your divinity
The villainous body of guards and cooks,
And when you felt the thorns sink
Into your skull where great Humanity lived;

When the horrible heaviness of your broken body
Extended your two outstretched arms, when your blood
And your sweat poured from your fading brow,
When you were put before everyone like a target,

Did you dream of these days so brilliant and beautiful
When you cam to fulfill the eternal promise,
When you treaded, mounted on a sweet donkey,
The roads all strewn with flowers and branches,

When, heart all swollen with hope and courage,
You whipped all these vile traders with all your strength,
When you were finally master? Has the remorse not
Penetrated into your side further than the spear?

—Certainly, I would leave, as for me, satisfied
With a world where action is not the sister of a dream;
That I would use the sword and perish by the sword!
Saint Peter has renounced Jesus…he has done well!

Le Reniement de Saint Pierre
Qu'est-ce que Dieu fait donc de ce flot d'anathèmes
Qui monte tous les jours vers ses chers Séraphins?
Comme un tyran gorgé de viande et de vins,
II s'endort au doux bruit de nos affreux blasphèmes.

Les sanglots des martyrs et des suppliciés
Sont une symphonie enivrante sans doute,
Puisque, malgré le sang que leur volupté coûte,
Les cieux ne s'en sont point encore rassasiés!

— Ah! Jésus, souviens-toi du Jardin des Olives!
Dans ta simplicité tu priais à genoux
Celui qui dans son ciel riait au bruit des clous
Que d'ignobles bourreaux plantaient dans tes chairs vives,

Lorsque tu vis cracher sur ta divinité
La crapule du corps de garde et des cuisines,
Et lorsque tu sentis s'enfoncer les épines
Dans ton crâne où vivait l'immense Humanité;

Quand de ton corps brisé la pesanteur horrible
Allongeait tes deux bras distendus, que ton sang
Et ta sueur coulaient de ton front pâlissant,
Quand tu fus devant tous posé comme une cible,

Rêvais-tu de ces jours si brillants et si beaux
Où tu vins pour remplir l'éternelle promesse,
Où tu foulais, monté sur une douce ânesse,
Des chemins tout jonchés de fleurs et de rameaux,

Où, le coeur tout gonflé d'espoir et de vaillance,
Tu fouettais tous ces vils marchands à tour de bras,
Où tu fus maître enfin? Le remords n'a-t-il pas
Pénétré dans ton flanc plus avant que la lance?

— Certes, je sortirai, quant à moi, satisfait
D'un monde où l'action n'est pas la soeur du rêve;
Puissé-je user du glaive et périr par le glaive!
Saint Pierre a renié Jésus... il a bien fait!
---
Angst. Angst. Angst.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

L'Amour et le Crâne

Father, we have given you our spirits, will you not leave us our dignity? Troubling domestic situations hit home hard and my little one is taking it badly. All is not lost, no destitution...just a chance for new beginnings. I wish for their peace and happiness above all else. For everyone who shares my love and my blood. He sat up with me last night while I cried from sheer exhaustion. I won't be phased, but I have to carry my weaker half. I love him and he is perfect. I will be his forever.

The Love and the Skull
Old lamp-base

Love is seated on the skull
Of Humanity,
And on this defiled throne,
With a shameless laugh,

Cheerfully blows round bubbles
That rise in the air,
As if meeting the worlds
At the bottom of the ether.

The frail and luminous globe
Takes a great flight,
Punctures and spits out its skinny soul
Like a golden dream.

I hear the skull in every bubble
Praying and wailing:
—“This savage and ridiculous game,
When will it be finished?

Because that which your cruel mouth
Scatters in the air,
Monstrous assassin, this is my brain,
My blood and my flesh!”

L'Amour et le Crâne
Vieux cul-de-lampe

L'Amour est assis sur le crâne
De l'Humanité,
Et sur ce trône le profane,
Au rire effronté,

Souffle gaiement des bulles rondes
Qui montent dans l'air,
Comme pour rejoindre les mondes
Au fond de l'éther.

Le globe lumineux et frêle
Prend un grand essor,
Crève et crache son âme grêle
Comme un songe d'or.

J'entends le crâne à chaque bulle
Prier et gémir:
— «Ce jeu féroce et ridicule,
Quand doit-il finir?

Car ce que ta bouche cruelle
Eparpille en l'air,
Monstre assassin, c'est ma cervelle,
Mon sang et ma chair!»
---
It is wrong to be so stupidly selfish about such stupidly silly things while the nation crumbles and my own life is pierced. But I do. He will always help and protect me, and I will kiss his forehead while he sleeps and hold his hand forever and ever. We are good together. That is all.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Un Voyage à Cythère

Tired and helpless, Tuesday morning. I want to be back in bed. The rain comes down and down and drowns our thoughts while I try to sort through this muddled mess. Next week they say the sun will shine again and all I want is to get my brown skin back. But right now I sit in this little box while I nurse last night's pains and they search for my replacement. Evil flowers are being gathered and presented for my own amusement. Ten a.m. I just want to be asleep.

A Voyage to Cythera
My heart, like a bird, flutters completely joyous
And glides freely around the ropes;
The ship rolled under a cloudless sky;
Like an angel drunk on a radiant sun.

What is that sad and gloomy island? —It is Cythera,
One tells us, a country famous in the songs
Banal Eldorado of all the old boys.
Look, after all, it a poor land.

—Island of sweet secrets and feasts of the heart!
The superb phantom of old Venus
Glides above your seas like an aroma
And charges the spirits with love and languor.

Beautiful island of green myrtle, full of blooming flowers,
Forever revered by all nations,
Where the sighs of hearts in adoration
Roll like incense over a garden of roses

Or the eternal cooing of a woodpigeon!
—Cythera was not more than a sparse land,
A stony desert troubled by bitter cries.
Yet I glimpsed a peculiar object!

This was not a temple in the shadows of a grove,
Where the young priestess, in love with flowers,
Went, body burning with secret heat,
Half-opening her robe to the passing breeze;

But there shaving the coast close enough
To trouble the birds with our white sails,
We saw that this was a gallows with three branches,
Standing out of the sky in black, like a cypress tree.

Ferocious birds perched on their food
Destroying with rage an already ripe hanged man,
Each driving, like a tool, his dirty beak
Into all the bleeding corners of that decay;

The eyes were two holes, and from the shattered stomach
The heavy intestines poured over the thighs,
And his executioner, gorged on hideous delights,
They had absolutely castrated him with rapping beaks.

Under the feet, a troop of jealous quadrupeds,
The muzzles turned up, swirling and prowling;
In the middle a greater beast moved
Like an enforcer around his aids.

Resident of Cythera, child of a sky so beautiful,
Silently you suffered these insults
In atonement for your infamous services
And the sins that have banned you from the tomb.

Ridiculous hanged man, your sorrows are mine!
I feel, at the sight of your swinging members,
Like vomit, rising through my teeth
The long venom river of these old pains;

Before you, poor devil with memory so dear,
I have felt all the beaks and all the jaws
Of the gnawing crows and the dark panthers
That once much loved to pummel my flesh.

—The sky was charming, the sea was even;
For me all was black and bloody from then on,
Alas! And I will have, like a thick shroud,
Heart buried in that allegory.

On your island, oh Venus! I have found nothing standing
But a symbolic gallows where my image hangs…
—Ah! Lord! Give me the strength and the courage
To contemplate my heart and my body without disgust!

Un Voyage à Cythère
Mon coeur, comme un oiseau, voltigeait tout joyeux
Et planait librement à l'entour des cordages;
Le navire roulait sous un ciel sans nuages;
Comme un ange enivré d'un soleil radieux.

Quelle est cette île triste et noire? — C'est Cythère,
Nous dit-on, un pays fameux dans les chansons
Eldorado banal de tous les vieux garçons.
Regardez, après tout, c'est une pauvre terre.

— Île des doux secrets et des fêtes du coeur!
De l'antique Vénus le superbe fantôme
Au-dessus de tes mers plane comme un arôme
Et charge les esprits d'amour et de langueur.

Belle île aux myrtes verts, pleine de fleurs écloses,
Vénérée à jamais par toute nation,
Où les soupirs des coeurs en adoration
Roulent comme l'encens sur un jardin de roses

Ou le roucoulement éternel d'un ramier!
— Cythère n'était plus qu'un terrain des plus maigres,
Un désert rocailleux troublé par des cris aigres.
J'entrevoyais pourtant un objet singulier!

Ce n'était pas un temple aux ombres bocagères,
Où la jeune prêtresse, amoureuse des fleurs,
Allait, le corps brûlé de secrètes chaleurs,
Entrebâillant sa robe aux brises passagères;

Mais voilà qu'en rasant la côte d'assez près
Pour troubler les oiseaux avec nos voiles blanches,
Nous vîmes que c'était un gibet à trois branches,
Du ciel se détachant en noir, comme un cyprès.

De féroces oiseaux perchés sur leur pâture
Détruisaient avec rage un pendu déjà mûr,
Chacun plantant, comme un outil, son bec impur
Dans tous les coins saignants de cette pourriture;

Les yeux étaient deux trous, et du ventre effondré
Les intestins pesants lui coulaient sur les cuisses,
Et ses bourreaux, gorgés de hideuses délices,
L'avaient à coups de bec absolument châtré.

Sous les pieds, un troupeau de jaloux quadrupèdes,
Le museau relevé, tournoyait et rôdait;
Une plus grande bête au milieu s'agitait
Comme un exécuteur entouré de ses aides.

Habitant de Cythère, enfant d'un ciel si beau,
Silencieusement tu souffrais ces insultes
En expiation de tes infâmes cultes
Et des péchés qui t'ont interdit le tombeau.

Ridicule pendu, tes douleurs sont les miennes!
Je sentis, à l'aspect de tes membres flottants,
Comme un vomissement, remonter vers mes dents
Le long fleuve de fiel des douleurs anciennes;

Devant toi, pauvre diable au souvenir si cher,
J'ai senti tous les becs et toutes les mâchoires
Des corbeaux lancinants et des panthères noires
Qui jadis aimaient tant à triturer ma chair.

— Le ciel était charmant, la mer était unie;
Pour moi tout était noir et sanglant désormais,
Hélas! et j'avais, comme en un suaire épais,
Le coeur enseveli dans cette allégorie.

Dans ton île, ô Vénus! je n'ai trouvé debout
Qu'un gibet symbolique où pendait mon image...
— Ah! Seigneur! donnez-moi la force et le courage
De contempler mon coeur et mon corps sans dégoût!
---
No real jobs to do here anymore, I am just biding my time and looking stupid. Soon he will just be another pebble on the beach. But the best-looking and brightest pebble of them all I guess.

Monday, May 4, 2009

La Béatrice

I will continue to chug along until I have translated and posted every single poem. I am about six inches from the end and I am more determined than ever. The world floats on. No time for drama. Beatrice!

Beatrice
On the ashen ground, charred, without green,
As I complained one day to nature,
And in my thoughts, wandering by chance,
I slowly sharpened the dagger on my heart,
I see in full noon descending on my head
A gloomy cloud heavy with storm,
That carried a troop of lecherous demons,
Similar to the cruel and curious dwarves.
They put themselves to considering me coldly,
And, like passersby at a fool who they admire,
I listen to them laugh and whisper amongst themselves,
Exchanging many signs and many winks of the eye:

—“Let us contemplate at leisure that caricature
And that shadow of Hamlet imitating
The indecisive look and the hair in the wind.
Is it not a great pity to see this bon viveur,
This beggar, that vacationing minstrel, this rascal,
Because he knows how to play his role artistically,
Wants to interest in the song of his pains
The eagles, crickets, the streams and flowers,
And even to us, authors of these old rubrics
To recite by howling his public tirades?”

I could have (my pride as high as the mountains
Dominates the clouds and the cry of demons)
To simply divert my sovereign head,
If I had not seen among their obscene troop,
Crime that had not made the sun stagger!
The queen of my heart with the unparalleled look
Who laughed with them at my somber distress
And sometimes poured them some dirty caress.

La Béatrice
Dans des terrains cendreux, calcinés, sans verdure,
Comme je me plaignais un jour à la nature,
Et que de ma pensée, en vaguant au hasard,
J'aiguisais lentement sur mon coeur le poignard,
Je vis en plein midi descendre sur ma tête
Un nuage funèbre et gros d'une tempête,
Qui portait un troupeau de démons vicieux,
Semblables à des nains cruels et curieux.
À me considérer froidement ils se mirent,
Et, comme des passants sur un fou qu'ils admirent,
Je les entendis rire et chuchoter entre eux,
En échangeant maint signe et maint clignement d'yeux:

— «Contemplons à loisir cette caricature
Et cette ombre d'Hamlet imitant sa posture,
Le regard indécis et les cheveux au vent.
N'est-ce pas grand'pitié de voir ce bon vivant,
Ce gueux, cet histrion en vacances, ce drôle,
Parce qu'il sait jouer artistement son rôle,
Vouloir intéresser au chant de ses douleurs
Les aigles, les grillons, les ruisseaux et les fleurs,
Et même à nous, auteurs de ces vieilles rubriques,
Réciter en hurlant ses tirades publiques?»

J'aurais pu (mon orgueil aussi haut que les monts
Domine la nuée et le cri des démons)
Détourner simplement ma tête souveraine,
Si je n'eusse pas vu parmi leur troupe obscène,
Crime qui n'a pas fait chanceler le soleil!
La reine de mon coeur au regard nonpareil
Qui riait avec eux de ma sombre détresse
Et leur versait parfois quelque sale caresse.
---
I am riding high on something today.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Allégorie

The month of May is upon us and now I watch this year's class undergo the same rites that I myself endured. It's strange. It's almost as if time has stood still for this past year and that only now am I actually thinking that I can move forward. I have been out of every loop I can possibly think of and I refuse to believe that this is a bad thing. I have focus, I have my love, I have a comfortable existence. Nine poems left to translate before this project is completed. Maybe I will contemplate it all in retrospect; maybe I won't think of it again after I post my very last. Who knows, who cares. I have no audience and that's fine.

Allegory
She is a beautiful woman with a rich neckline,
Who lets her hair drag in her wine,
The claws of love, the poisons of dives,
All slide and become dull on the granite of her skin,
She laughs at Death and taunts Debauchery,
These monsters whose hands, which always scratch and cut,
In their destructive games have yet respected
The rude majesty of this firm and upright body.
She walks like a goddess and reposes like a sultan;
She has the Muslim’s faith in pleasure,
And into her open arms, that her breasts fill,
She calls the race of humans with her eyes.
She believes, she knows, that virgin infertile
And yet necessary to the tread of the world,
That the beauty of body is a sublime gift
Which extracts pardon of all infamy.
She knows not of Hell or Purgatory
And when the hour comes to enter into the black Night
She will look at the face of Death
Like a newborn, —without hatred and without remorse.

Allégorie
C'est une femme belle et de riche encolure,
Qui laisse dans son vin traîner sa chevelure.
Les griffes de l'amour, les poisons du tripot,
Tout glisse et tout s'émousse au granit de sa peau.
Elle rit à la Mort et nargue la Débauche,
Ces monstres dont la main, qui toujours gratte et fauche,
Dans ses jeux destructeurs a pourtant respecté
De ce corps ferme et droit la rude majesté.
Elle marche en déesse et repose en sultane;
Elle a dans le plaisir la foi mahométane,
Et dans ses bras ouverts, que remplissent ses seins,
Elle appelle des yeux la race des humains.
Elle croit, elle sait, cette vierge inféconde
Et pourtant nécessaire à la marche du monde,
Que la beauté du corps est un sublime don
Qui de toute infamie arrache le pardon.
Elle ignore l'Enfer comme le Purgatoire,
Et quand l'heure viendra d'entrer dans la Nuit noire
Elle regardera la face de la Mort,
Ainsi qu'un nouveau-né, — sans haine et sans remords.
---
What?