Le Vin de l'assassin

Last night I lost touch with my body, despite the hands that cradled me. The world has turned back to ice and we slummed along, wrapped up in too many things. We saw our future home and he spoke of the great adventures we will surely have while I lingered outside and discussed my imminent future with some faceless being. Skin touches skin and I love him more and more each day. Bedtime came and I was interrupted by my past and horrible thoughts of ever having to be without him. He held me close and said:

"Don't think about that. As far as I am concerned I will be here forever."

I cried and cried. Not because I am unhappy but because I have never felt stranger and funnier in my entire existence. Gods.

The Murderer's Wine
My wife is dead, I am free!
Therefore I can drink my fill.
When I returned without any money,
Her cries tore me to fibers.

I am as happy as a king;
The air is clear, the sky admirable…
We had a similar summer
When I fell in love!

The horrible thirst that tears me
I would have needed, in order to satisfy it
As much wine as could be held
In her tomb; —there is not much to say:

I have thrown her into the bottom of a well,
And I have even pushed over her
All the stones of the wall.
—I will forget her if I can!

In the name of the oaths of tenderness,
From which nothing can untie us,
And in order to reconcile us
As in the beautiful time of our intoxication,

I begged her for a rendezvous,
Evening, on an obscure road.
She came — foolish creature!
We are all more or less mad!

She was pretty again,
Though quite fatigued! And me,
I loved her too much! That is why
I said to her: Get out of this life!

No one can understand me. Does any
Among these stupid drunkards
Dream in their morbid nights
Of making a shroud from wine?

That crook unassailable
As the iron machines
Never, neither in summer nor winter,
Has known true love,


With his black enchantments,
His infernal procession of alarms,
His bottles of poison, his tears,
His noises of chain and bones!

—Here I am free and alone!
I will be dead drunk this evening;
Then, without fear and without remorse,
I will lie down on the earth,

And I will sleep like a dog!
Chariot with heavy wheels
Loaded with rocks and mud,
The rabid wagon may well

Crush my shameful head
Or cut me down the middle.
I mock it like I do God,
Or the devil or the Holy Table!

Le Vin de l'assassin
Ma femme est morte, je suis libre!
Je puis donc boire tout mon soûl.
Lorsque je rentrais sans un sou,
Ses cris me déchiraient la fibre.

Autant qu'un roi je suis heureux;
L'air est pur, le ciel admirable...
Nous avions un été semblable
Lorsque j'en devins amoureux!

L'horrible soif qui me déchire
Aurait besoin pour s'assouvir
D'autant de vin qu'en peut tenir
Son tombeau; — ce n'est pas peu dire:

Je l'ai jetée au fond d'un puits,
Et j'ai même poussé sur elle
Tous les pavés de la margelle.
— Je l'oublierai si je le puis!

Au nom des serments de tendresse,
Dont rien ne peut nous délier,
Et pour nous réconcilier
Comme au beau temps de notre ivresse,

J'implorai d'elle un rendez-vous,
Le soir, sur une route obscure.
Elle y vint — folle créature!
Nous sommes tous plus ou moins fous!

Elle était encore jolie,
Quoique bien fatiguée! et moi,
Je l'aimais trop! voilà pourquoi
Je lui dis: Sors de cette vie!

Nul ne peut me comprendre. Un seul
Parmi ces ivrognes stupides
Songea-t-il dans ses nuits morbides
À faire du vin un linceul?

Cette crapule invulnérable
Comme les machines de fer
Jamais, ni l'été ni l'hiver,
N'a connu l'amour véritable,

Avec ses noirs enchantements,
Son cortège infernal d'alarmes,
Ses fioles de poison, ses larmes,
Ses bruits de chaîne et d'ossements!

— Me voilà libre et solitaire!
Je serai ce soir ivre mort;
Alors, sans peur et sans remords,
Je me coucherai sur la terre,

Et je dormirai comme un chien!
Le chariot aux lourdes roues
Chargé de pierres et de boues,
Le wagon enragé peut bien

Ecraser ma tête coupable
Ou me couper par le milieu,
Je m'en moque comme de Dieu,
Du Diable ou de la Sainte Table!
---

For once, it may be high time for me to spend some time alone with myself and the mess I have made.