La Destruction

It is at times like these when I hope and pray that there is something, anything wrong with me and my body so that the anger and hatred I feel sometimes is not a result of my own weakening resolve. The two month mark has come and gone and as I think about the south I get a little nervous and impatient with him. Boys will be boys even when they are technically men. Too much beer and estrogen, not enough calories in my blood. Warm weather will meet us on Saturday and we will take to the sea. Please, Apollo, let the anger fade. I miss my family, miss my sister, I will miss my love and my home. But for the love of all that is good and fucking holy please let this building implode during the night. Sycophancy and inanity bore into my skull like the sounds of hell, and the indicative noises make me shrivel inside. Fuck fuck fuck.

Destruction
The Demon shakes ceaselessly at my side;
He swims around me like an intangible air;
I swallow him and feel he who burns my lungs
And fills them with an eternal and shameful desire.

Sometimes he takes, knowing my great love of Art,
The form of the most seductive women,
And, under specious pretexts of a hypocrite,
Accustoms my lips to the despicable potions.

Thus he takes me, far from the gaze of God,
Panting and broken with fatigue,
Onto the plains of Ennui, deep and deserted,

And throws into my confusion-filled eyes
Soiled clothing, open wounds,
And the bloody devices of Destruction!

La Destruction
Sans cesse à mes côtés s'agite le Démon;
II nage autour de moi comme un air impalpable;
Je l'avale et le sens qui brûle mon poumon
Et l'emplit d'un désir éternel et coupable.

Parfois il prend, sachant mon grand amour de l'Art,
La forme de la plus séduisante des femmes,
Et, sous de spécieux prétextes de cafard,
Accoutume ma lèvre à des philtres infâmes.

II me conduit ainsi, loin du regard de Dieu,
Haletant et brisé de fatigue, au milieu
Des plaines de l'Ennui, profondes et désertes,

Et jette dans mes yeux pleins de confusion
Des vêtements souillés, des blessures ouvertes,
Et l'appareil sanglant de la Destruction!
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Enfer is a symphony of creaking stairs, mumbles, and odd whispery little gasps. No! Wait. That's this god-forsaken place.